omniturtle:

do u ever just look at someone and think “how are they so nice they are literally the sweetest person ever what dark secrets are they hiding”

hungarian:

it’d be cool to speak like 20 different languages & keep it a secret from everyone & then during a time of crisis, u could speak some fluent russian to some russian guy holding a gun to your head & all your friends will be like daaamn

rexuality:

realistic captions for selfies:

• i took 34 photos and this one looks the least shitty
• i tried really hard to take this at an angle where my arm didn’t look weird
• i photoshopped a pimple out of this photo and used the smudge tool for like 8 minutes
• i wish i had friends who took cute pictures of me so i wouldn’t be alone in my room for an hour trying to do this shit
• this is the best photo i’ve ever taken please shower me with compliments

leftforbed:

leftforbed:

mcsnuggie:

true self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn

why would the movie eat my popcorn

nevermind i get it

h0odrich:

It’s mad depressing when u eat the last piece of candy but you didn’t look at the bag and realize it was the last one so you could truly appreciate it for what it was worth

morristibbs:

IF SOMEONE IS SCARED OF SPIDERS OR BUGS DONT FUCKING PICK ONE UP AND WALK TOWARDS THEM WITH IT YOU ARENT FUCKING FUNNY YOU’RE A GODDAMN ASSHOLE

pityreblogs:

when i’m old i’m going to say “or as they said in my day “yolo swag””

basedgodniall:

*calls family member by mom’s request*

*silently prays it goes to voicemail*

(Source: nointerrruption)